You Know
by AudeTheThird
Summary: "So, why don't you invest in some lube? You can never have too much lube. Oh, gosh, try out that His and Hers brand. It does some amazing tingly things to the bits south of the belt." Felicity is rambling, on the phone to a friend. Oliver cannot be oblivious. OOC, no spoilers.


I apologise. I have no idea where this came from.

* * *

"No, no, no, trust me. It's not an actual thing."

If she noticed them fighting in the corner, she didn't even lower her voice.

"No! Just because you slept with him-" she paused, clicked down the rest of the stairs. "-yes, letting him in the backdoor counts - Yes, even just the tip-"

Digg faltered and Oliver whacked him in the side of the head.

"-Just because you spent all weekend rolling around in a sweaty naked pile does not mean it's a_ real _thing. Inviting him to your sister's wedding is not good! You do not want to have freaky sex at a family event. Trust me." she dumped her bag in the corner. "Just_ trust _me."

Oliver watched her out the corner of his eye as Digg regained his internal balance and charged him.

"No, I mean, we were in a coat closet - then in a hallway - barely made it out to the rehearsal dinner - like, it was new, you know? He was good with his hands. Big arms. Swung me around like a ragdoll, loved it." she sat heavily in her chair, apparently listening to the other woman speak.

Digg was frowning very hard.

"No idea. I mean, we weren't an actual thing, either. No. No, you shouldn't be taking up with him because he can make you-" she paused, listening to the prattling of the woman on the other end of the phone. "- You don't_ love_ him!" she scoffed, clicking on things.

"You love his _tongue._"

Oliver exhaled shortly and scowled over at her, deflecting an oncoming blow to his head without so much as looking.

"And so what if he's fit?... And pretty? Fit, pretty guys are a dime a dozen. They don't need to be any of that. Plus, ugly guys make up for it in talent." she crossed her legs under the desk, hitching the pencil skirt north of her knee caps.

Oliver received a sharp smack on the shoulder blade for his lapse in concentration, and promptly went back to trying to beat Digg up.

"No, he was different. His name was Nate. And excuse me, we were totally a thing! He had a drawer in my apartment and I had a toothbrush at his place. It constitutes as a thing... Yes, he also knew my bondage thing."

Oliver nearly tripped over the mat. Luckily, Digg was too busy gaping at the back of her head to notice.

"No, he liked it, it's just he couldn't dirty talk to save himself. And he called me a bitch. 'Oh, you're a bad bitch, oh, you're a dirty bitch, I'm going to ruin you for other men, bitch'. It pretty much dried me up. Forever."

She clicked, typed, agreed and nodded to the woman, regardless of being able to see her or not.

"So, why don't you invest in some lube? You can never have too much lube. Oh, gosh, try out that His and Hers brand. It does some amazing tingly things to the bits south of the belt... Mm? Well, doggy style usually stimulates the g-spot. It was the only way any guy ever blew my mind. Like, screaming his name, clawing his sheets, minor black out, blew my mind."

She sighed.

"Although there _was_ that one guy who had that public fornication thing... Jeeze, am I glad I gained access to the criminal records and erased it. I never would've been allowed into a McDonalds ever again." she waited a second, then laughed. "I was sixteen! Give me a break!"

Digg shook his head, dropping the stick down. He lifted his hands in surrender, looking pointedly at Felicity. Oliver shrugged, dropped his sticks, pulling his arm across his chest to stretch the muscle.

"No, I don't think you should invite him to anything. Unless you want to have your weird Uncle Reggie walk in on you bouncing on him, then by all means, you kinky exhibitionist. Go right ahead." she ran her fingers through her hair, yawning. "No, I had hold of the shelf. It was great. Over in like twenty minutes for us both."

He stretched the other arm, refused to look at Digg scrutinizing him over the mat.

"Yeah, it was the same guy under my desk at work! I don't know what it was, he just loved the taste, you know?" she giggled sheepishly. "Used to come in on my lunch break, ended up making a game of how fast he could get me to - you know. Actually, it's been a while since any one has... _You know_. I should call him."

That was when Oliver drew the line. He stalked over to her and took the phone from her hand, raising it to his ear.

"Excuse me." he said, mid rant. The woman on the other end shut her mouth with an audible pop. "My name is Oliver Queen. Felicity's boss."

_"...Oh. How do you do?"_

"Perfectly well, thank you." he arched a brow down at her, even if she was already shrinking into a little ball on her chair. "Is there a problem?"

_"Uhm... Guy trouble."_

"As I understand it, you're considering taking a man you just met to your sister's wedding. Correct?"

_"...Yeah..."_

"I would advise, strongly, against that. If there is anything romantic budding you'll scare him off. If there's not, he'll always ruin those pictures for you. Find a nice friend to go with instead. Is that all that's troubling you today?"

_"...Basically."_

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. Felicity concurs and will speak with you later."

_"Oh-kay... Bye."_

"Good bye." he hit the screen with his thumb more than once in an effort to hang up the touch phone. Felicity pushed her glasses up her nose, glowing red, not looking at him as she accepted the phone from his hand. "On company time, Felicity?"

"My lunch break." she repeated in a squeaky voice. "Usually you guys just ignore me..."

"Usually you don't talk about your sex life." he lowered one hand to the desk, the other arm stretching along the back of her chair.

"You're supposed to have better concentration." she mumbled. "It won't happen again."

"I'm not saying you can't talk about your sex life, Felicity, I'm saying I'd prefer if Digg wasn't in the room while you did it. And just so you are aware... I am _nearly_ always available if you needed a hand." he flicked his eyes to her skirt. "You know."

There was a pulsating silence. He patted her hand.

"Good talk." he mused, and began to saunter back to the mat.

It took three seconds for his phone to go off. Figuring that he had always powered down for the evening, he went to it, opening the text without looking at the contact name.

_I could use that hand now._

"Yeah, Digg, you should probably go home." he said evenly. "Right now. Go home."

"Yup. I'm out. 'Bout damn time, you two." he waved but was already walking away.

"So. There's only been one time you've screamed names and had near black outs, huh?" he turned back to her, waited until Digg had shut the door firmly behind him.

"Yeah." she swung in her chair. "Just once."

"Not for long, it won't be."


End file.
